Maldita

CTTO

Stay awhile with me, will you

This heart aches alone

I’ve saved for a white coffin

Never forget, never regret

You are a pretty one

Don’t rouge your lips with red

It gives us away

Say hi to Jose Maria              Please forgive

Nowhere to go tonight

They can wait you know

There are plenty of them

Horny fucking babies

Not yet Papa, not yet

Someone needs to hear this

Come and get me later

We walk together if you want

Mary, not Thelma

Maria Magdalena

Forgive me, please

Is that you, Jose Maria?

How many have you had

I’ve fucked hundreds

Lesbians, boys, men and seniors

Just a job. It pays the bills                

He said Satan is coming for me

Long white gown praying

I just fucked your bishop

No communion needed here           Fuck the church

Oh, I was young once

I’d spit at people who’d call me ‘brat’

Teased friends to the top of an anthill once

Laughed at pained faces from ant bites

He shushed then lifted my skirt

You’ve no brains nor common sense

She’s gone, you’re my bitch now

I wasn’t even close to Ten then

I became aware when I was twelve

This face and body could stop time

Pen, paper and math were not crucial

Please forgive                        Is that Jose Maria?

Man in blue rented me sometimes

He liked them young, younger even

The slap of groin on thighs hurt

They were meant to help and protect

Not abuse this human system          Fuck Blue Men

This loose, weather-beaten face

Wore high cheekbones before

I also wore syphilis and gonorrhea…. Please forgive

Idiots didn’t want to wear condoms

They found him slouched in a dark alley

Left eyeball hung like a yoyo in the wind

White shirt sprinkled with dime-red dots

His ashes confined in a plastic bottle

Teacher failed me though I passed

You don’t belong in school, you slut

Her home got firebombed one night

How are you doing in hell, Madam

I’ve been sweeping the streets to live

Since Fourteen I’ve learned to hustle

These girls in high heels and short skirts

Taught me everything like you from me

Oh, my dreams are but a few

School was mean but maybe a trade

Brown husbands come with green wives

I am ugly, cheap, no-class whore

I heard Papa’s footsteps last night

I’d hide when I feel him coming

Then I woke up from my nightmare

Wait, did you hear that, close the door

You must know about this child. A boy

I was twenty-five, carefree

Marco was this jeepney driver

He was a sweet but boring lover

His father was from London

We shacked up for three months

I stopped whoring and played house

My stomach began to grow

The bastard had a wife and kids

Bad fairytale. He had to leave

I didn’t want his wife to beat me

We were thrown out to the streets

For lack of rent, life and morals

It was the hardest decision

I’ve ever made in my life

Desperate, childless foreign couple meet

Hopeless young woman with a newborn

The nurse showed me Jose Maria

The couple stood hungry outside

A thick set of hair, button nose

Pink arms and legs waving in air

Eyes and hair belonged to Marco

The shape of the face was mine

How can one not fall in love

To a baby, your flesh and blood?

I can’t go back. To jail

Forgive me, please forgive me

You would have been Fifty by now

I always cry during June Tenth

Or to see a baby given to another

My breasts leaked fresh milk

For no one to suckle and grow

How I want to change that moment

This is not a world of maybes

But a dominion of certainties

Yesterday’s lost chances bore fruit

To an empty bowl of wishes

I’ve been rambling on too long

Any questions? Ah, you have to go

Don’t forget to beam up that smile

Come check on me tomorrow

Make sure you insist on condoms

Leave the door open this time

Please forgive me, Jose Maria

You’re my beautiful angel

I love you so much

Look, there’s a light

It’s getting brighter

Papa, you’re back

Oh

All Rights Reserved © joegasparauthor 2022

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